Answered

I have thought about a question that was asked of me last week. I spent hours thinking about it. I prayed about it. Do I miss a friendship? Yes, there are many parts of that friendship that I miss. I miss drinking coffee. Eating at Monterrey's. Silly dinners for the kids. The easy way that we worked in the kitchen. I miss bike rides. I miss many things, but he gave it up. He does not understand if he would not have lied to me we could be friends. I am spending my time with friends that don't lie to me. That don't lie 'to protect me'.  I don't need to go back. I need to go forward. I will be friendly, I can not his friend, at this time. I might think differently after time passes. Time helps. 

I wish I could feel different. I wish that I didn't remember the pain I felt. I know that it has been almost two months. I can still see his face that morning. I can still hear his words in my head, telling me he was sorry that he didn't mean for me to see, that it was an accident, that he didn't think of her 'that way'. I remember the gut wrenching pain, that almost made me vomit at the sight of his neck. Knowing that he held another so close. Desired someone so much that he failed to remember 'us'. Then he lied to me over the next few days and weeks. Now, I am sickened by my insecuritites at the time. The fact that I prayed with him, the fact that I was willing to work thru all the lies. The pain. Leaving my self open to so much more pain. But God had a plan for me. I didn't understand or like the decisions that were made. Now I see how much more pain would have been caused if he would have given me the answers to prayers that I wanted. I knew that God answered my prayers, in the way that he knew was best for me.

I wrote these two paragraphs yesterday morning, so this post is going to jump around a bit.

Let me tell you about yesterday, a wonderful day! Dominic and I ran errands, I dropped him off with his father's girlfriend. I spent a good bit of the morning with my bestest. Boat got done---spent bunch more money on it than I wanted. Afternoon at the pool. Helped a friend. Then the best thing happened. J and I went on the boat for a sunset ride! (Althought, the lights were not fully functioning---that will get remedied this weekend.) We watched the sun set and the day turn to night. We laughed, listened to music and the cars pass on the bridge. We talked, openly, honestly with no reservations, no holding back. We kissed, we held each other. I felt so alive floating with him. So free. So secure.

It was a perfect start to a perfect weekend! I have two parties to attend tonight and one Saturday. This weekend, once again, will be epic! I can not wait to write about it next week!

Peace,
Maria